When I was little, you were always there.
Running around and pulling my hair.
You picked on me, and called me names,
but my love for you never changed.
When I needed help I would call out to you.
you showed your true colors, and always came through.
You stood up for me, when bullies would pick.
Even if that meant it was their butts you would kick.
You helped me out through thick and thin,
but now you're leaving,I don't know where to begin.
You're going to Iraq to help save the day.
So now you need my help, as I kneel down and pray..
I say thank you lord for my daily bread.
Please help my brother not lose his head.
I love my brother very so,
Please don't take him he's all I know.
Keep him safe, and keep him warm.
Watch over him through the darkest storm.
Thank you God for my big brother,
for without him I would have no other.
So watch over him till he gets out,
Until he comes home and is safe without a doubt.
Also make sure he knows I am thankful for him
For all the fun I've had, would be none and slim.
So until he comes home give me paper and pen,
to say thanks to my brother,..... and you. AMEN.
10-09-08
Author notes
option 1
This poem is for my big brother, who this month is heading off to Iraq to help fight for our country. I am very proud of him and everything he has done. So I wanted to say thank you to him, and the lord for giving me someone so special and dear.
A contest entry
- October New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended November 6, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Hi,
I would just like to wish you the best of luck
in the contest
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Let’s do technical first: line 10: “your leaving,I” looks as if it should be “you’re leaving, I” (spelling and space). 
line 21: til = till. GOOD sentiment.
I feel some of it was a little forced 
and if you want some suggestions (message rather than comment) 
I don’t mind talking to you about it. Except for the technical stuff, my opinions are just my opinions. 
Ultimately, it’s your baby. Welcome, again, and best of luck in the contest. 
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Welcome to AllPoetry
I really liked the rhyme and the sincere endearment in your poem. Big brothers and sisters can be great friends. I am a big sister. I think this is a wonderful tribute to your brother.
Lady Altheia
site greeter
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Welcome to Allpoetry
This is such a sweet, loving tribute to your brother. He is making a great sacrifice for our country, and I'm sure knowing the support he has back home will make it a little easier for him. You have a couple of grammatical errors, but this is a very good poem, great take on the prompt.
♥
whisper
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Thank you very much, do you happen to know which lines the errors were on? if not that is fine. Thank you again for taking the time to read my poem and comment.
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
This is a wonderful tribute to your brother and the Heavens for having him in your life. Very good rhyme and the flow is pretty smooth. I think you did a great job, and you should both be proud of each other.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
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Thank you so much, we very much are.
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welcome to allpoetry
How wonderful... you have written a lovely poem for your brother. I do hope you share it with him (if you haven't already). Brothers and sisters are a special gift. Thank you for entering the contest and your sweet words.
Best of luck to you.
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thank you for all the kind words. I have shared this poem with my brother. He says he really likes it, but is also one of those that doesnt show emotions very well, haha.
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thank you for the comment. I always new one of the word in the fifth line needed to come out, just wasn't sure which one, so thank you for pointing that out. I never noticed that i put 09 at the end of that lol. So again Thank you, nobody else had pointed that out to me.
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Hello Mamaliz,
I saw at the bottom of your poem it said "10/09/09" should it be 08 instead of 09?
In the fifth line, I think if you take "for" out this line would flow much better with the previous line. I understand that you were doing line end rhyme, however, some of it feels forced. I would consider changing the line "I love my brother very so". Also the line, "so watch over him till he gets out" I think it would sound better if you used the word "until" but if you like the word you have I believe it should be "til".
I really like your poem. I liked the first few lines where you say he used to give you a hard time but was always there for you when you needed him. I feel the same way about both my brother and sister.. its amazing how kids in a family can be cruel to one another but still stick by them in tough times and protect them.
Bravo poet and good luck in the contest.
Criss -
Welcome To Allpoetry
Hi mamaliz23
Absolutely beautiful, every word was written from the heart and very sincere, an excellent dedication poem for your brother.
Goodluck in the contest
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thank your so much for all the kind words.
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Welcome to All Poetry
We thank you too for this very special poem.
Very few take time to thank God, and you have done it here. How very wonderful to remember the Creator and spare time to say Him a word of thanks.. Beautiful!!
Thanks again!!
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Thank you, I know what you mean about very few people take the time to say thanks. When I saw the options for the contest, instantly i knew which one i wanted to do. Thank you for all the kind things you have said.
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A soldier is such a lonely and brave figure.
Like instinct..
when called
he moves to defend.
All war is wrong...
but these special men
put their lives on hold...
Their lives at risk...
When called by their country.
Your reflections of your childhood years was a nice way to start it.
Everything will be fine lass,
the good Lord will see to that.
Peace,
LOWELL POE
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Thank you very much, that poem you put in the comments is so beautiful, and meaningful, but yet so short, and it still has the effects of taking your breath away.
A soldier is such a lonely and brave figure.
Like instinct..
when called
he moves to defend.
All war is wrong...
but these special men
put their lives on hold...
Their lives at risk...
When called by their country.
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Welcome to All Poetry
A very moving and personal piece. I like how you have turned this write into a prayer. Very creative. I think that you have really done a fantastic job with this piece. All the best.♥
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thank you everyone for helping me fix the errors I made, I didnt even realize I had done that. Also for all the sweet things everyone said. Thank you.
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Welcome to All Poetry
This touches one's heart deeply! What a wonderful tribute to your brother! I really enjoyed this read!
In this line, I think you need to change "there" to "their"
Even if that meant it was there butts you would kick.
This is fantastic! My husband's nephew is in the National Gaurd and I am dreading the day that his unit gets called up for duty over there. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours daily! And a special prayer for your brothers safe return home.
Best of luck in this contest!
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
A lovely tribute to your brother indeed! I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have a sibling who cares about him as much as you do.
You've done a great job at showing both sides of the coin; as a big sister to three wonderful siblings myself, I understand that they drive us crazy. But in the end, our love for them never changes, as you said.
My only suggestion would be to check your grammar, since misspellings and misuse of words can take away from your poem's full effect.
"Your going to Iraq": "Your" should be "You're".
Other than that, this is a lovely and heartfelt poem. The sentiment is definitely there! Well done, and good luck!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
I really like this poem there is such a depth of emotion that is beautiful, and the first two lines were cute! There were a couple of things I noticed (like you use 'there' instead of 'their', and 'your' instead of 'you're') but they didn't interrupt the flow too much and I'm sure you could fix them with an edit I really love the dedication that you have to your brother, and you express that wonderfully - I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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welcome to all poetry
Hi mamaliz23
This is outstanding, truly excellent work i prey your brother stays safe I feel this way about my brother too thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
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wow it sounds like your brother is very special. This is a lovely dedication that you have written for him. It is quite a strong poem too, especially the first verse, I could picture you too climbing trees and stuff when you were small, also loved the last line a very nice ending to a lovely write, keep it up, oh and welcome to tthe site, I hope your brother comes home safe, Godbless littlefishone
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This is so beautifully sincere. It was a very emotional write. Thank you for sharing.
Best of luck in the contest.
sooty
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Love IT!!!!!
I love the way you take us on a journey through your life and intrioduce us to your brother in a realistic way and then go on to say how much you love and care for him now and how he is going to fight for our freedom. What an amazing man he must be!!! Your rhyme was on time and your flow was surely a go We are in the contest together and good luck to you! Thank GOD for your brother and all the other brother's sons sisters and daughters over there in Iraq. Good Luck!!!
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Dear sister,this is from the heart as we know, and those writes always make an impact on the reader! Your fond memories into today and his going to Iraq engage us right away. Rhyming excellent, and your flow as well....I wish you well in the contest!
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thank you so much for the kind word. I had alot of fun writing this one, and alot of respect for my brother for doing what he wants to do in life.
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