what i've become.

my head is spinning

its filled with all

these unanswered questions

I'm looking in the mirror

trying so hard to figure out

what this discusting thing is

thats looking back at me

I am forced to turn away

I can't face this thing

what have i become?



I used to be so strong

always able to handle anything

it never used to matter

if a bad hand was dealt

I used to take on the obsticals

with so much pride

I was never afraid

to show what I was feeling

be it sadness, anger or anything really

now my head bowed down in guilt

trying to cover up with constant lies

everyone is always asking me

"whats wrong with you?"

they will never realize

how badly it hurts me.

to lie and say "oh, I'm fine"

or "Its nothing, I'm just tired"

these lies and false smiles

all part of my facade

I never used to cry

as much as I do now

and when I did cry

I never felt ashamed

because you or someone was always there

to pull me up to my feet again

listen to me vent when angry,

and be there for me when I cried

but you moved on from me

and found someone soo much better



now, you think I'm doing just as good

as you have been, but

just because you don't see

me break down and cry

doesn't mean that I don't

it just means you are

not here to dry them...

to comfort me and say

"don't worry, we'll get through this together"



now I'm forced to hide

all of my tears from you,

and everyone else

I don't want and

I can't handle your

sure to be cruel judgement..

besides you used to be able

to see how fake that smile was..



finally, I let myself look

and turn back to the mirror

I was hoping what I'd seen

would not be the same,

doesn't matter as to

what I was hoping for

sure enough its the same

face I had seen just before

once again I'm forced

to turn myself away

from that dreadfull mirror; that haunting sight,

looking at it I was discusted,

at what I had realized

the face I had seen

was mine, I've realized

I'm messed up and I have

lost all the hope that still remained

because the wretched face,

that discusting, haunting sight,

is what I've become

I no longer see something

to be even slightly proud of

when I see my reflection

glaring back at me, before,

I used to see this strong, proud,

smart, not beautiful, but pretty girl

I used to look at her and know

she was always safe, she knew she

always had someone there for her,

but now thats all changed

now I see something

that scares me, this

this thing looking back at me

this girl, my reflect?,

portryaing a gril who is

weak, stupid, ugly, insecure,

living in fear and so alone



This thing, my reflection,

that I now am seeing,

this is what I've become,

weak, stupid, ugly, insecure, lonly, and fearful,

and i HATE what I have become...