It's like that I feel on the outside..I smile...and I frown..I cry and I get angry..I tell them I love you..but on the inside...There is nothingness....but an automaton without any true feelings....that cannot feel...for when true feelings of happiness...or of love come....It shuts off....emotionless...I feel like I have the chance...and say that I love him.....But once that time really does come and he loves me back...my heart shuts off...and says "NO!" And my mind goes blank...helping others which helps myself..not caring much for myself but to be an empty catalyst of a female body...helpless and trapped inside...she is locked in a cage inside her mind with many demons and sides....poking at her..eating her alive as she screams, they smile.all the time....And with all this...She's a hypocrite..The thing she said she hates most in humanity. Why? Because she is the example of one. Telling out her words of wisdom and caring advice when she cannot feel it....while only darkness blinds her....No matter how hard I try...I try to love....I seem to push it away though at the same time I reach for it....It dies....like the mountain laurel.......In the end...It falls apart when I tell him this, he doesn't understand how he could love such an animated puppet such as her....accuses her of using him....she cries it away..and becomes more emotionless..watching the days go by..watching the young couples walk by...I never seem to cry in relationship troubles..I've been told I'm like a block of stone that gives out intelligent advice...but a wandering and breathing block of stone....I'm 5 people at once......such a fragile creature...that causes so much pain..so much happiness...brings so many smiles....then causes them to crash........Perhaps it is a teenage thing...but It's too hard to explain..for words mean nothing.....For sure...it's something to disdain. So I feel...emotionless...but only emotion of emptiness...and of self hate....yet self love.....I'm afraid deep inside that my inner sides will get the best of her...and will tear him apart...like the others..
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