]Oh god,
]I'm scared
]What do I do
]Fight, flee, hide?!
>Shoot yourself in the foot.
]Sounds like a plan!
`Wait..
`That wasn't your brain speaking
`It was just...
*bang*
`..fear.
`Damn, too late.
Author notes
POW Contest
Inner workings of the body's conversations
I only used the >]and` marks because I can't use the original bold and italics I wrote it in on Microsoft Word without a paid account. Please excuse the funny formatting.
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Interesting narrative and really cool concept.
Good luck in contest
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The lines are jerky which works well to depict the fear and the conversation between instincet and brain.
Good luck with it.
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Hi! Welcome!
I see - you're using the marks to identify the voices.
I agree with Trista's response in this regard.
Very succinct piece. You say what you need to say in just a few words. Actually, don't many of us do this when fear takes it's hold. This is light on depth, could be enhanced with metaphor or imagery.
The title is much too long - you don't need to spell out what the poem is about in the title. "Fear Factor" or "Instinct" would work.
Make sure you read the rules. Black font on white background.
But for what it is, it's cohesive. Which is a good thing.
My scores will appear with final remarks.
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Hi and welcome to the POW!
I too enjoyed reading this and got quite a chuckle out of it..
The formatting is distracting - but you already know that. 
I think Neon's suggestions of using uppercase letters and exclamation points in a few key places would make up for that nicely. Using brackets, parenthesis, quotation marks, and/or line indenting are other ways/options to differentiate the different voices. Toy around with it, see what ends up working best for you...I think you'll find almost anything will work better than what you've got now...but that's only MO. Oh - and don't forget our POM gold winner also gets a 3 month Silver AP membership; it might be something worth aiming for!
I'd have loved to see even more to this...it's a bit light on depth, feelings, and especially imagery...I'm not exactly sure how, but working a metaphor or two in might not hurt, to try and get the most impact and power out of your words. A very enjoyable entry though, and I thank you for entering it. My scores will be in the final notes
Hope to see you back again soon!
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies have been awarded.
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Hi there and welcome to the POW
I do think that this is funny and could of been a lot more if you would of used the lines that were available to you I do agree that the way that it is formated takes away from the poem. My score will appear at the close of the contest. Good luck -
Welcome, Vampedvixen
I was at odds with myself on this write, simply because I have always connected the saying "shoot yourself in the foot" with confusion, or rash behavior, but not with fear. That aside, this offers a different sort of read, both entertaining and thought provoking.
One problem that presents immediately; you have used a background graphic that is not permitted in the PO' series. We ask for black font on white background.
I think I would have been able to interpret this without the "funny formatting", which was a bit distracting. Also, I would have like to see more emphasis on "BANG!" and "Damn!"..by use of caps and exclamation points.
Good ideas well processed for such a short poem. I enjoyed it.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
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This made me smile...how often do we leap before we think? This was a clever take on fear Bravo
good luck in the contest
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Interesting
Double check some of the rules re: background and such, before a judge comes
Good luck. -
cute
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