three artifices-
platinum bangles;
smirk;
coffee
packed and stacked
inside bags
under eyes
[under lies; lines cooling
in the subtle breeze
of solitude-
I heard it was a season,
a song of the skies
dimpled with crippled moments
gnawing
on and on
like a tune; like rain
procreating guilt
out of stealth
of breaths
out of us, by night and sleep].
three corners of this room move-
a narrator submitting to morning breeze, paradox;
a window like a boxed-paradox;
a folklore of a woman told to women in sparrow language.
Author notes
title: read between the lines.
this poem: an attempt to write.
for them, sisters.
A contest entry
- twist by tara wilson.
2250 points, ended October 16, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
you can comment. critique. leave behind whatever you will like to say,
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
i had a mild day dream of you in a jazz club reciting this one, it's got a strong dialect, "packed and stacked" along with the repetition elements,
your ending lines- portion
"a narrator submitting to a morning breeze"
is amazing.
-
this is just such an interesting poem to read, it has fully captured my attention every time I've read it...all 3 parts are so unique, and I love the last lines so much...thanks for this entry!
-
I'm so glad I didn't miss this one... one of my latest favorites by you. "Sparrow language"... yep. Loved that line among others. Trying to write? Bahhh!!
You are a natural hon.
-
-
YAY!!!
i am super happy!
-
-
sparrow language is wonderful
as is the internal rhyme this piece is rich with
women are to men.. or woman is to man perhaps?
i especially love the ending
... wonderful
m
-
-
hmm i knew it would be confusing without quotation marks... thanks
-
-
-
''dimpled with crippled''
a combination of words i am very envious of...
the way it works in there..
really well done with this
the ending was beautifully unexpected for me
glad you are back!!! we missed you
-
-
i missed you too... lol i just noticed there was a typo in the title!
-
-
i missed it
sorry!! lol... i was ready for bedy when i was on last night but wanted to read you before turning in and well- these tired eyes missed it!
cant wait to read the article! -
-
pshhh i am glad you missed it... and was embarrassed to find it out hours later... lol... it was silly!
will send the link to you as soon as they publish the issue online!
-
-
-
-
To write of ones sister's in this way is to know and understand them intimately enough yet also see them as all individuals that learn at the foot of a mother as well. Each one gives strength to the other despite the sibling rivalry. It is fine and strong piece. Love that ending it speaks volumes for you and yours. Love, C
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
