Broken mirror

written on the mirror
"it can only get better from here"
closed the door can't face to see
psychologists words
thought it would help the positivity
and stop all my self blame

around me people see my thinness
and i can't see what they do
they comment on my clothes from the washing
"i'd kill to be the same size as you!"
you say no i'd kill to fit into size 6
I'm only a size 8... could do better then that
me thinking...
"I'd kill to the size as you."
knowing there 3 sizes bigger

my home gym, crazily i push
only one k more i shout to my tired body
then i look down to my tree stumps of my thighs...
Maybe two

i can't see what others see
everyone's thinner then me
i push to be a size smaller
always checking calories
even though i know i'm on borderline of under weight
i want to be

its a constant fight
between your head and your heart
your heart cries in agony
because you know its bad
guys don't like skinny girls
"its less of you to love"
but thats all you want
thats what your head keeps telling you

Its like the angel and the devil
and the devil always wins

I know where this thought process once came
i know i have my father to blame
I know i have many men to blame
but it comes out the same
as i feel it in my heart and my head
i will always be to blame

broken mirror
left shattered beaten and broken like me
cuts to share in this pain
as i stand in my underwear
afraid of what i see here
knowing i have hated this image
since i have understood
since i was six

I hate everything i see
i hate reflections
if only my head didn't think this way
if only i was normal
if only i was all ok
if only my father loved me today
showed me i was worth his time

Broken mirror
broken heart
left shattered
and apart