My prison
Crumbles
Slowly
To rubble
Soon there might be
A way to escape
Or at least a hole big enough
To hide
From you
But the walls of your embrace
Pin me down like boulders
Won't you release me?
Author notes
40 words =) Prompt was the picture
~ 7_Churches_Abby_5_by_SerendipityStock ~
Constructive criticism please? -- I'd love to improve.
Thanks 
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt Contest 10 entries 30 to 40 words by mysticstorm.
475 points, ended October 17, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Great take on the picture!!! I too, wanted to enter this contest but had no idea what to do with the prompt. Hehehe. You've done very well! Good luck in the contest. This should do VERY well!
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awww what a sweet thing to say =)
Thank you very much!
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Wow I was gonna enter that contest but had no idea how to use the prompt. Very well done, good luck in the contest!!!! You really found a way to use the prompt in a beautiful, deep, meaningful way.
Dani.
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What a take on the picture!
The emotions pulled at my heartstrings and reminded me of my past
Amazing write!
Best of Luck!
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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aww im in love with your poem, that is very deep and touching i loved it
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As usual, an interesting take on the prompt! I'm going to have a read around the other entries but I'm pretty sure that I'll find that they aren't the same line as this one!
Mr Kyle = Mr Original! 
I'm not very good at freeverse poetry [i dont really GET it
] but I'll give it a shot at critiquing.
"My prison
Crumbles
Slowly
To rubble"
The first was is solemn, well constructed, and quite serious, but then it breaks into a sort of "less formal" language I think.
"Soon there might be
A way to escape"
But i don't have any suggestions offhandwhat to change the word to perhaps look up synonyms
"Or at least a hole big enough
To hide
From you"
Again "big enough" takes from the formality of the language.
"But the walls of your embrace
Pin me down like boulders
Won't you release me?"
Perfect!
That was a pretty darn cr*p critique, heh sorry but I did warn ya
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Wow!
Don't apologize, your critique is wonderful and very appreciated.
I might go look to see if i can find some suitable synonyms =)
Thank you very much, and thanks for the 'original' compliment
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