Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Mists of the Future (Election Eve)

Thirty days of father
at the age of ten;
gone forevermore!


Dearest mother
ravaged by cancer;
gone forevermore!


My strength, my compass,
the remaining family foundation,
my toots,
kidnapped by Death
on the Eve of the Election;
gone forevermore!


All that built me
has been torn down
and dwells in the unknown lands,
between life and death,
in this time of promise,
where possibilities of change,
teeter between the sunset and dawn:
behind drawn curtains,
our audacious souls cast hope
into the mists of the future.

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • GTseng3
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem comes very close to the serious flaw of self-importance. Being a common victim of this flaw in my own work, I'm rather sensitive to it, but when poems start pounding concepts into me instead of letting me discover them they need a bit of work. Great concept, though, and the repetitive last line is a good way to tie the stanzas together, though "Gone Forevermore!" is a bit of what I'm talking about above.

  • Harlequin Dance
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Just one quick comment: "teter" is spelled "teeter".

    I feel as though the third stanza could be altered to be more like the first two stanzas in terms of length and rhythm, so that they are more cohesive. You already have "gone forevermore" at the end of them, so it would reinforce that image if the stanzas were more similar as well.

    I like it, it's a nice poem

    I don't know if this will insult you or not, but it reminds me of Obama, since he always takes about "change" and has that book, what's it called, The Audacity of Hope?

  • nichtmich silver member
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Perhaps I am reading too much (or not enough) into this. However, the last 3 lines reall speak to me deeply. Although the term 'spiritual politics' seem contradictory, the title is perfect and what drew me to read this poem.

    . Rewarded 4

  • Mickie27
    November 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful This was a sweet, solid truth!
    powers of wisdom and compassion I can feel it as I read it.

    . Rewarded 4