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once

cinnamon.

though it tastes bad alone,
the hands of sugar
saintly squeeze sweetness
where there was spice;
now posh

green tea.

slightly bitter,
the tickle of its leaves
down your throat
like choking on health;
you get used to it

unsweetened coffee.

what life is sometimes like;
a cup of darkness
blacking out stars,
as if ulcers could
swallow the sky
in disagreement with tongue

lemon cupcakes.

euphoric nucleus
in centre of your rhythm,
patterned palette
cross-stitching
a rainbow of

frosting.

Author notes

Jackie.

once=>eleven in Spanish, pronounced "on-say" (Spanish nerds, feel free to correct me)

Could also just be 'once' in English like 'once upon a time'...


Reference to Posh Spice? Wasn't intentional, but uhh...yeah.






Just Dance - Lady Gaga ft. Colby O'Donis

One of my favorite mainstream songs from 2008.


***Lex, I didn't take all your edit suggestions,
but I did use some of them.

In a list

♠ Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic / Got my blueprint, it's symphonic

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • oceanbluize gold member
    November 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Keen Observation

    Yourdescriptions are sublime, "where there was spice;
    now posh." Indeed! An altruistic statement. "like choking on health.." reminds me of power bars, raw eggs and protein powder. All healthy, yet none are palette pleasers. However, I've heard one gets used to them. I love your style. *new fan here* I also Love your page. A no BS straightfoward Individual...I want to keep you in my pocket


  • Tennessee-Joe
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your useage of punctionwayness is very correct and dainty.
    This makes me want some cupcakes!!!
    On-say me
    Joe


    • notorious gold member
      November 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks.
      I used it for this poem, but I have ditched it in my recent poems as well.

  • red violence up
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    strong alliterative phrases in the first stanza "saintly squeeze sweetness"

    i loved the image of the "hands with sugar"

    "blacking out stars,
    as if ulcers could
    swallow the sky
    in disagreement with tongue"

    - that portion was brilliant, i sat and ponderd the image for a while and it created about 25 diffrent moments all from that section of words.


  • Polaja gold member
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the choking on health line ... this is an amazing dedication poem ... number eleven?! Wow ... someone is lovely ... I love the alliteration in this poem, and it just generally has a wonderful rhythm to it ... fabuloonious!

    Green tea lemonade

    Llly


    • notorious gold member
      November 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Eleven dedication poems, yeah. LMAO

      There's alliteration?
      Well, it wasn't intentional...

      Thanks.

  • DolceVito gold member
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Si, me gusta.

    un escrito bien echo...brava, Jess...un ramo de rosa para ti


  • Never Fall in Love gold member
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol, no correction there [but I have to admit, I don't think I'm a nerd]

    Your personification is amazing. Let me tell you that. Stuff like:

    "a cup of darkness
    blacking out stars,
    as if ulcers could
    swallow the sky
    in disagreement with tongue"

    is to die for.
    Amazing. Brilliant. Excellent
    and all of its other synonyms.

    What I didn't exactly like [but I think is intentional and basically the whole point of the poem] was the
    way the different food was mentioned in the poem. I guess I'm trying to say that it felt very seperated from the poem although it relates.

    I don't think I ever make sense some days.

    ♥x.


    • notorious gold member
      November 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      It's okay, you're definitely allowed to hate the entire point of the poem...LMFAO.

      Thanks.

  • LadyDementia gold member
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't know once was spanish...I see it as the english version...obviously..lol. Love how you see the simple everyday things, best bit to me is
    'as if ulcers could
    swallow the sky
    in disagreement with tongue'
    nice tinge of darkness there. Fantastic write!


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LOL Posh Spice lol got that without seeing the AN's Pretty smart me lol but seriously green tea is good for ya so it shouldn't taste that good. C


  • BizarreBlizzard
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    onche i guess

    with a che like in che guevara

    oh well watever
    i don't habla anyways

    check your suggestions
    but I like it anyways

    how about thinking about inventing a migraine vignette category?




  • sailor ptolema
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    amazing.


    roo


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OMG!! I love love love this!!! And I'm coming back tomorrow when I'm more alert to do a proper comment on this..hehehe... you remember all the crap we talk about

    cinnamon. <== on it's own .. with sugar.. heavenly goodness .. hehe.. am I spicy?
    I love Becks Woot! So I'll forgive the reference to Posh LMAO

    green tea. <== Ok ok.. I'll give it another go.. geez! LOL Being the health nut I am

    unsweetened coffee. <== hell yeah! But yeah.. my life is sometimes a cup of darkness.. and and.. I get stomach ulcers
    But I love love love this bit!!!

    lemon cupcakes. <== where the HELL can I get some!!!
    I'm a lemon cupcake in the centre!! Yayy... I love that.. aww heh ...

    The referenc to cross-stitch.. soooo cool, the way you've used it.. aww again

    Thanks for another awesome poem!!!!

    As always.. you my face off (yeah I know.. stealer lol)

    ♥♥

    (ok.. so I ended up doing the long comment hahaha.. couldn't help myself )

1 - 32 of 32