Jump Into the Fire

Mind warped with conflicting desires—
do I struggle against this, or jump into the fire?
I know that the flames will one day consume me,
but for now all I want is an escape from reality.
Smoking bowls and snorting coke—
sometimes I feel life is a twisted joke.
I know this is not what I really need—
this is definitely not who I wish to be—
but sometimes life is just too much;
and escape is what I need, for I crave the rush.
Heart beating faster till it jumps out my chest—
Oh god, it’s this feeling that I love the best.
If only my dreams weren’t consumed and devoured,
requiring an escape for many hours
on end till I forget who I wanted to be.
My vision is clouded; if only I could see
the light at the end of the tunnel—but for now
all I can do is jump into the flames, for this is how
I cope with my fears—run away from my life—
this is how I get away from the knife.
I know I’m not perfect, I know that I’m scarred;
I just wish that this life wasn’t so damn hard.
Perhaps someday I’ll turn away from the drugs,
but that’s hard to imagine, for it’s these feelings I love:
I love the alcohol swiftly sliding down—
I love the drugs that make the world go ‘round.
I love these because I hate who I’ve become,
so for now I’ll just continue to run
straight into the flames of my dying heart,
wondering how long these potions will be a part
of my twisted life—full of regret and pain…
for now I’ll just revel in this shame.