I love my mom and daddy like they love to work
We’ve got the best babysitter; not a thief, not a jerk
Right when mommy and dad leaves she’s already there
Deep inside she has no heart but I know she really cares
She’ll show up when my parents go to the store
She’ll tell lots of jokes and stories and much, much more
Some days she shows us she’s a very good cook
Some times we play cops and robbers and catch some big time crooks
She takes us to the ballpark to watch a baseball game
Television, that’s the babysitter’s name
Six to eight hours a day when mommy and daddy’s gone
No supervision; we can watch whatever show comes on
It feels our mind with perversion and lust
Watching it on Thursday is now a must
CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, ESPN, SHOWTIME, Nickelodeon, HBO
Having sex, killing things, and saying words I don’t even know
Things a person, let alone an 8 year old, should not see
But I’ve got to because my babysitter, is my big screen TV
Author notes
Our children, this generation is growing up watching TV. Even I was! And since we do what we see...... you figure it out. God bless!
Written April 19th, 2004
A contest entry
- Whatever you want to enter I want to see by .
300 points, ended April 22, 2004, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you want a trophy? For those that have few or no trophies. LOTS of Honorable mentions! by lovelustre.
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600 points, ended January 30, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I liked the twist to this, the way it started out feeling like a child's poem written about an acutal person/babysitter, then gets to the real story and issue.
As a poem, there are areas where it needs to be tightened up, with a couple of grammar and spelling corrections. I see you were already given some good feedback on how to improve the poem and the fact you haven't addressed even the spelling and grammar makes me think you are more concerned with the message than the way it is delivered to the reader. There is certainly nothing wrong with that, but it might be more effective if the delivery was as good as the message.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
~J. -
I agree with MasochistBunny. It is a good topic but you need to take your time writting. Best of luck if you would like you can look @ my entry... it is Hearts Foresaken...best luck!
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I like this a lot! I feel for this well expressed poem, and my children that are television addicts, too! A very thought provoking and lively poem. Well done. Best wishes in this contest, life and with your poetry!
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Excellent job! My babysitter is my tv.. oopsy! lol!
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wow, i absolutely love this poem, it is awesomely written. this poem really did cheer me up. it is true though, it brought me back to the day when i had a babysitter and we used to havge so much fun, but the one thing was that she was back and forth from prison, but she was a family friend and truely someone great to be around!!!! she used to leave me watch whatever i wanted and she used to play with me all the time and spin be around on my swivel chair, they were the days
. to but i have grown up, but still i can act like a kid
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Amen! At first I thought this was really sweet. Your babysitter sounded really nice. Then when you said it was the TV and new where it was going. I totally feel the same way. It's sad to see all these kids growing up with TV. Awesome write bro. I love reading what you have to say. Theres always an awesome message. I'll be praying that this touches who it needs to.
God Bless you bro,
Jenna
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Wow! You did an awsome job on this one! I heard you were writing about this subject and i did know it was gonna be good and make this statement. But I didnt realize how you were gonna lead people into the climax this way! It was a well thought out piece of work! Good job man! God bless,
sloshydan -
This is a poignant statement about our precious generation of television addicts. I like what you are trying to say, but I felt that this was not a poetic piece. Perhaps this might flow a little better if written in the perspective of an essay. Your subject matter is a sad but true observation of life today. Hopefully someone will read this and choose to play a board game with their child or go to the local park and swing for a while instead of leaving the parenting to the idiot box. Thanks for your thoughts.
The Beginner -
The first couplet I don't like, I have to admit .. they sound very strained .. "not a theif, not a jerk" .. but that's just my personal opinion there ..
The fourth couplet falls out of sync .. you lose the rhythm that is static through-out the rest of the poem.
The first line in the sixth couplet is incorrect, grammatically speaking.
"... when mommy and daddy is gone" is what it says without abbreviations .. to be more correct according to the laws of grammar, it should say "when mommy and daddy are gone" .. "is" is singular, but since you're talking about two seperate entities (mommy AND daddy) you should use the plural form "are".
The seventh couplet's first line has a typo, I think .. "feels" should be "feeds" (apologies if "feels" is intentional)
The 8th couplet is HUGELY out of rhythm .. the first line has a massive 24 syllables, while the second has only 15 .. again, this distracts from the rhythm the first couplets set.
And the final couplet doesn't flow correctly, in my opinion. I would change it to something like,
"Things no person, let alone an 8-year-old, should see.
But, I have to, because my baby-sitter is a big-screen TV."
Also, you have very erratic punctuation .. a good rule to go by is either "no punctuation" or "perfect punctuation" .. nothing in between ... simply meaning, end your sentances with punctuation, use commas where necessary, or don't use any at all.
Of course - ALL THIS INFORMATION IS MY OWN OPINION. You can keep it as it is .. it IS your art! ^_^
Now, as for the meaning .. I really liked this poem. It's got a wonderful basis, one that I've never seen approached before in poetry. And I agree, that children are losing touch with reality. This isn't the television's fault at all, really .. it's the parent's for not paying attention to their children. Great job here! -
at first i thought this was actually about a babysitter you liked a lot and I was thinking this MUST be a kid's poem but when I got further into it you're absolutely right.I was left alone with nothing to do but watch t.v when I was a child too.It sucked majorly(not the poem, the t.v)
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lol nice ending. you really made it sound like u were a little kid with a baby sitter until the last stanza. lol great write. very creative.
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wow, great work. I love it. It's very true, too parents are busy and forget to raise their kids with all the love and attention they need. Sometimes they see the TV as a way to keep the kids out of their hairs for a while. Part of being a parents is actually parenting, wish they would learn that sometime,
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very very good. I wish i could write a poem like this but i'd just get lost i think. great job... it shows much talent.
I love the point, and i totally agree. I grew up with that tv. id watch it forever, without my parents saying a word. Damn, im shocked on noy friggin 200lbs!
great poem! -
Poignant
Absolutely true, loved it. What we must wonder is why they broadcast what they do, and exactly how much effect does it have? -
Love it another outstnading poem (however you spell that) well keep up the good work I totaly agree with this poem it is so true and that is the sad part! When an 8 year old knows what sex and crim is our world is in some deep sin! Plus if they learnd it all from tv!
God bless
*!*Blondie*!* -
I agree so completely with you. I have seen so many children left to watch and raise themselves. The television is their only friend..and like you said their only babysitter. It's a sad fact of life..Children do what they are taught..so the next generation will do the same and the next and so on...The television was invented for lazy parents..lmao Sometimes it can be good..but most often it is not..Great poem and very nice topic..Gives us all something to ponder and agrue about...lol
bestest best of luck in the contest...
Bambie
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