On either side of the murky river lie
Towers of glass and steel ascending high
Which darken now the world and hide the sky.
All through the streets the people scuttle by
To many hollow livelihoods.
And to and from the hurried people go.
No such satisfying life do they know
Dreaming of hopes that past by long ago
Dying inside the land of deep falsehoods.
Daily darkness frightens and men quiver
In the crime filled city by the river.
Windy breezes blow cold and men shiver.
The warmth of hearts are lost too forever
To many hollow livelihoods.
Four grey walls stuck inside worn grey towers
As the silence of thoughts lengthen hours
Aging till the sweetness of life sours
Dying inside the land of deep falsehoods.
Only the grim reaper, reaping early,
He is in among the people surely
Crying his song that echoes so clearly.
Taking away those we so hold dearly
From many hollow livelihoods.
Our mother earth and time has claimed their prize
We don our black clothing and heave our sighs
Someone else shouts aloud then another cries
Crying inside the land of deep falsehoods.
But in alluring lies we still delight
And we believe it is within our sight
Satisfaction by our will, by our might
And so we ignore what we know is right
For many hollow livelihoods.
As we achieve the closing of the day
We will hear a quiet still whisper say
The curse remains upon you if you stay
Trying inside the land of deep falsehoods.
Author notes
This is intended to be in Iambic Pentameter execept for the repeating line of many hollow livelihoods. This is my first attempt at Iambic Pentameter and would like to know if I did it correctly. (I'm from Chicago so that is the city used as the basis for the poem. The river is the Chicago River)
Written June 4th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Bright Lights and all that Sparkles by Karen Michelle.
300 points, ended August 18, 2004, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hi!! Sorry, I went to click on "reply" to what you said here in quotes: "I'm amazed someone finds it as soon as I post." But then it just didn't click for me, guess I'm not a "silver" member.
Anyway, this is another awesome poem. And the reason my comment was so fast was because I just happened to be browsing poems by "newest", and there was yours!!! lol
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A wonderful poem which I liked a lot, the imagery was fantastic and reminded me of a city, although I've never been to Chicago so I don't know if it's like Chicago- to me it's a little like Glasgow, with the towerblocks and the river. A great poem which I liked a lot, keep writing and thanks for commenting on my poem
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I cannot comment on the form of this , as i know absolutely nothing about it , but as far as storyline . flow etc, all came together very harmoniously and it was quite a thoughtprovoking write ,
Reenie
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Excellent
Brilliant. Loved it. I liked the second stanza especially - excellent description and I feel that the final stanza rounds the poem off nicely. Good use of repetition to get your message across. You describe the city very well. -
I have no idea if it is correct, I am terrible at things like this, but this is very well done . Regardless of structure. Thank you for the comment
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Thank you for the encouraging comment. There is a much deeper meaning in the poem than just a description of Chicago.
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masterpiece
a true masterpiece.a canvas of words that brings pride to muses everywhere.i can see chicago through your eyes.you are so good.please keep writing. -
wow. this is really cool. i think you pulled off the iambic pentameter very well. again this is very cool, very creative. i love the repeating line and especially the last stanza. i love the metaphor here also. this could be applied to our minds as well as an actual place. so many people lie to themselves, telling them what they want to hear. once again excellent job and thnx for commenting oni my work!
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Thank you. It may read like a legend because Alfred Lord Tennyson's "The Lady of Shalott" was my inspiration. I patterned my rhyming scheme from the poem. Mine differs in beat. (pentameter as opposed to tetrameter)
Edited on Jun 14, 11:58 p.m. because ''. -
Very good. I like the way it reads almost like a legend, or some storybook tale, especially in the first stanza, but quickly realizes itself. Quite effective, if I may say so myself. Nicely done! Thanks for entering.
~Hannah~ -
The curse remains upon you if you stay
Thats so true. Your whole poem was. It looked like it took a lot of work and effort and I congratulate you for that! The rhyming was great and the form was unique. Good luck and thank you for sharing!
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