Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

A Mountain To Climb

Missing image
While my child was being born
I arose early in the morn'
And rushed to be on my way.
I didn't even pause to pray.

A mountain laid before me.
I had to climb it. It just had to be.
A friend asked to come along,
But I refused for I was strong.

My wife waved good bye in tears.
Said she hadn't seen me in years.
But the mountain held me in fear
And I couldn't see nor could I hear.

Climbing the mountain was such a rush.
I didn't notice thistles and thorns in the brush.
A few scratches didn't seem to matter to me.
I couldn't feel how it was poisoning me.

I reached the mountain peak all alone
And the emptiness chilled me to the bone.
My wife and all my children cried.
My friends looked away and sighed.

I had achieved wealth and success,
But my life had been a pitiful mess.
It was all nothing but a pile of dung,
Because of the relationships I had shunned.

In a list

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • melphleg gold member
    June 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Thank you. Glad you liked it. I really appeciate the affirmation. Makes my day to read such words.

  • Mackintoch
    June 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful piece. I mean it is incredibly wonderful. I don't know what esle to say but I leave it to this. Keep up the good work. Don't you stop writing now. It was a pleasure to read and I enjoy every word of it...... I am not disappointed at alll. Thank you for sharing this magnificent piece. You have a wonderful day and God bless you too. I have to go now, peace love. I can hardly wait for the next one to come.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

  • Jessa
    June 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow - what an amazing poem! i agree with jacki - very sad and the emotions came through so well. i'm glad i clicked it to check it out!

  • melphleg gold member
    June 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the comment "Robin" Funny I wasn't thinking of Cat's in the Cradle when I wrote it, but you are right, the theme is similar. I have another called "Dance With Me Daddy" which was inspired by Cat's in the Cradle only it's Dad and Daughter instead of Dad and Son.

  • Jacki D
    June 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    StandingO

    HOLY CRAP BATMAN!!!!! This is a very deep heartwreching piece.A big twist on THE CAT'S IN THE CRADLE. Bravo!!!!! Jacki
1 - 5 of 5