bitter sweet darkness
dissolves pleasure on my tongue
chocolate heaven
Author notes
First attempt at a Haiku. Did I do it right?
Written August 2nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Chocolate and Turtles by kjack.
450 points, ended August 6, 2004, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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You did this just right nice work I like the last part of it
not sure what contest this is for but good luck in it thanks for reading one of my poems that means a lot this was really really good lots of love Robin...aka SH
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very good
That is real good. I love Chocolate too! Keep up the good work.
Thank you for reading my poem "The Prayer of Jabez" you are right it is not the words it is the Lord who performs the Miracles in our life.
I am the host of the Angels Group and I would like to invite you to join our Angel's Team. The link is on my Author's page.
God is blessing you!
Dawn -
very good
Well written. Looks like fun to play with:
darkness bitter sweet
on my tongue pleasure dissolves
chocolate heaven
Now I have to read more.
John -
This is a lovely Haiku, I think you captured your weakness for chocolate so well (as you managed to describe it wonderfully!) Delicious imagery, and thanks for sharing. (Although, I haven't checked out the winners of this contest you but I hope you got some good praise!) Take care, Kate
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This is such a sweet haiku. We to are both chocolate lovers and can understand your feelings. It is always a joy to read poetry that reflects our own interests and our food cravings. Thank you for this deliciously pleasurable experience, we think we might be going to get a hershey bar at this very moment.
your friends,
Slaughter and Jaunty pill (using the same membership and computer because it is more efficient for us to comment together than seperately)
Edited on Aug 07, 2:11 because ''. -
yes, I do. That's why I had to enter this contest. It is my weakness. I suffer from migrains and chocolate ain't good for them, but I et it any way. 
Hence this poem and the ref to headaches in da other one. ; 
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I think you like chocolate maybe? You sre making me reely crave chocolate and its to late to eat it! lol
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Looks perfect to me. The syllable count is correct, and the subject is heavenly. I can taste the chocolate in my mouth now. Yum. I love this. Thanks so much for entering the contest, and good luck to you.
becca
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Wow. Coming from someone who write such wonderful Haikus this is high praise and means much. I'm honored.
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Ahhhh
delightful haiku
and the format looks good to me
I can only eat chocolate about once a month
It gives me migraines wonder what about white chocolate LOL
Good luck in the contest sweets
I love it
Love n hugs
Susan~~~~
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Ah yes, a poet after my own heart. Anything chocolate; the food of the Gods my friend. Nice way of capturing the sensation that it creates as it does its business in the mouth. OK, that didn’t quite come out the way I wanted, but you get the picture.
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yes...5-7-5. looks right to me. now don't ever mention choccies in my presence again!
just kidding lol.
good luck to you in the contest..
~ Lea -
m=hmmmm.. i like this very very much! i love the small detail in this... great haiku... i like this...
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awww sweet...i wanna eat chocolate
...huuuh!!!
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