I was a slave to my lust,
Bound by my deception
With no solid control,
Believing the illusion,
Restraining .
I was dirt and dust,
My own shallow grave,
Not alive, but dead,
Breathing poison,
Waning.
I am a slave to whom I trust,
Bound but free,
Relinquishing control,
Guided by what I cannot sense,
Gaining.
I am a pure clean gust,
Washed in pure water,
Abundantly alive and strong,
Breathing fresh air,
Sustaining.
I produce fruit that is robust,
For I am a branch,
Grafted to the sacred vine,
Nurturing and abiding,
Remaining.
I was bound to earth but now I fly.
To be free I became a slave.
To be alive I abide.
My slavery was depravity.
My dirt was my dead flesh.
My freedom is submission.
My air is divine spirit.
My fruitful branch is my new life.
Author notes
Notes on the style :
This is now my 3rd attempt at this style mostly because other poets have made comments and inquiries on the style alone.
There is no meter just metaphor and rhyme. It's five distinct metaphors of five lines each ending in one word summary metaphor. The next stanza join the metaphors. The last five lines further explain or define them.
The metaphors in this one may be obvious to some and not so to others. They are all biblical metaphors.
For other pieces of mine using this style see "To Raise a Child" and "A Swan's Garden."
Notes on this piece :
There a some seemingly contradictory statements or ideas, but that is on purpose. It's the seemingly contradictions that make the ‘secret' not easily understood or believed.
This is very personal and so I don't expect every read to ‘get it.' However, as with any poem, I hope the reader derives some personal meaning.
While I don't like to explain the meaning of my poems because it takes away from what the reader may interpret, on this piece I will explain what it means to me to those who ask.
Written August 6th, 2004
In a list
- Grace • next in list
- Read These • next in list
- Progressive Metaphor • next in list
- Christian • next in list
A contest entry
- The Secret of Life by Jcsketch82.
555 points, ended August 12, 2004, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is an awesome testimony of deliverance and new life! I love the style you use here...I've never before seen it and impressed with what you did. All of it is wonderful but the fourth stanza is what strikes me the most! This whole piece is refreshing and beautiful. I'm glad to have read it!
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It seems to me that writing the key verse first might help get the whole train in order. This is really a mind blowing and difficult form, from my perspective! I salute you!
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I thought about this. Actually, the I think that sometimes an interruption in flow is good. It should get the reader to pause and think why the change? Again the 3rd stanza is the key. The key to the transition. It begs the question 'whom do I trust?'
Leaving it vague gives the reader a change to decide for themselves without more biased from the writer. 'Those who have eyes to see will see'
And yes, packed in this short piece is a whole philosophy - a whole WAY of life
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It's not direct, but implied. The metaphors are obscure on purpose to allow the reader to think and make his/her own interpretation.
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I don't see the christ liney in there
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Yeah i understand that. So it is a 'problem'(lol) that i will have to think about later. Who knows maybe when i read it tomorrow it won't even seem like a problem. Hm okay i read it again. I guess given the summary it is okay that way. Did oyu happen to ever read my poem 'Natures Song' or something like that- can't remember what I called it- anyway this reminds me of that.
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But the 'style' calls for five stanza metaphors of 5 lines each followed by 3 lines followed by 5.
. The middle in this case is the key to the transition from the old to the new.
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Hey, this is a whole philosophy in life- you can't expect me to comment on it,lol. But I can comment on it as a poem. I think there needs to be another stanza to introduce the renewed person, since there seems to be a switch(not both at the same time, right?). Thats just my opinion to make it flow right. Anyway, I would definitely love to discuss this poem with you when I have more time.
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For the most part, you understood the metaphors as I did with some exceptions (example: I wasn't thinking about the law for the third stanza). There are always multiple meanings to a poem - the one the author had in mind and the one each reader derives.
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This is utimately the process of life. . .
The 1st stanza reminds me of sin, how we have all fallen, how we all feel the struggle and how Christian or not our conscious is aware of the Fall of mankind.
Then the second stanza seems to reinforce the problem of this sin, how it has condemned us. . . how we are punished for our sin - that our sentence is death.
The third stanza reminds me of the law (largely Old Testament ideas). . . The law is our guide. We are to be bound by God's law, but at the same time we are freed by God's law. . . We believe in Him and fear him. We aim to fulfill that law, but know we are still condemned with our sin.
The fourth stanza is the the gospel (largely New Testament ideas) - the baptism and rebirth in Christ the new man to replace our sin. . . To give us hope in a reuinfication between God and man and hope in eternal life.
The fifth stanza is the result of our hope. We do good works, and we live our lives to be humanitarians because the Holy Spirit thrives within us. We live our lives for God and it is by His grace and will working through us producing good works.
The sixth stanza is about the way we live our life then not just for now on earth but also for the life yet to come. . . That we were born in sin, freed from that sin by Christ's death and then by God's love and grace receive a place in heaven because of all he has done for us and so we continually prepare the way for His return.
The seventh stanza seems to be a summary of all this: born into sin separates us from God, we learn the law of how we are condemned by our sin and how we are supposed to live our lives, but then we are freed by God's grace and Christ's death through which we gain the hope of eternal life and finally as a result of this hope we work all the harder to fulfill the Lord's will and prepare for His return.
Edited on Aug 07, 11:15 p.m. because ''. -
Great Job
Beautiful, grace and love. I fealt every part moving from unclean to clean. You have captured the true spiritual move for a person whom experiences what it is to feel arms wrapped around you and then to return it with your own arms wrapped around someone else, enjoy your fruitful new life! Bravo -
Much better
Melphleg
Hey , no discrace to your fist poem but i love this. the rhyme is great the subject just cool, AND TO TO IT I'M WAY IMPRESSED... Like before thank you and thnks for shairing in this humble contest.
Good luck, Jc
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