Shall I not give some drops of rain to you
Since you had spilled your priceless blood for me?
From your life I was nourished and I grew
Becoming what you molded me to be.
Your heart endured life's sorrow all alone
For love demands much sacrifice and pain.
Still asking not a thing to be your own,
You gave away all for another's gain.
Although love asks for nothing in return,
Should I not answer back with gratitude?
From your example should I not so learn
A love with equal selfless attitude?
You gave since I was just a tiny boy
So I will likewise give to you with joy.
Author notes
This is a real to me and very recent. My mother has treated me with such sacrificial love and still does, yet I'm resistant to do things for her.
There is a dual meaning to this poem. For I also consider the greatest sacrifice made for me and how I should respond to that.
This is my first attempt at an English Sonnet, should I would very much like to know if I did it well and would like suggestions for improvement.
Since sonnets are often love poems and since the first octave presents a problem while the sestet suggests a solution, I thought this would be the perfect form to express this dilemma of love.
I would really appreciate opinions on the iambic pentameter. Is it correct?
Written August 14th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- This contest has to be about your Mothers by DimishedFaith.
300 points, ended August 25, 2004, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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this is very good indeed, i liked reading it, it makes me really appreciate my mum! its very deep and thoughtful, you made a cliche of life so interesting. i like how well it has been written to keep my attention!
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Deepest aploiges i msut have missed your poem This is a very deep stronge but short poem very nicely written its i beautiful well done
DF -
Wow
Beautiful this made tears well up in my eyes since I am here with my mom in Louisville Ky since she had a heart attack,nothing ever replaces a Mother's love
Good luck in the contest
It's a winner to me
Love n hugs
Susan
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Wow! This was a stunning piece of work! I loved it! I wish I could have written it! LOL! You are great! Always keep writing! I will be looking forward to it! :-) :-D
~Angela -
yeah moms are cool.
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ENJOYABLE READ
Another wonder poem you have written, with or without help. I love it. My own mother died years ago bu It still remember the feeling of being near her. Take care, Sandy BEAUTIFUL POEM!!!!! -
Thanks b3l but I have greatly revised this one based on the advice of dericlee, who knows much more about iambic pentameter and sonnets than I do.
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Thanks pozo, but I have greatly revised this on the advice of dericlee, who knows much more about iambic pentameter and sonnets than I do.
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I greatly revised this on the advice of dericlee, who knows much more about iambic pentameter and sonnets than I do.
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{sings...Cole Porter, is it?} 'I GOTS RHYTHM...' BAM! CRASH! OUCHY! FELL DOWN...HURT MYSELF.....hehehe...
I LIKES YA, MELPHLEG!!! ...Wanda
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I can't clap my hands to the beat of music. Rhythm is a foreign concept to me. LOL. To try to get the iambic pentameter, I had to look up every multiple syllable word and bold every DAH in the da DAH sequence to be sure I got it right. Even with all that, I'm STILL not sure it's correct. In some case my DAH is 'to' and in others is 'be.'
Edited on Aug 15, 10:43 because ''. -
Beautiful write, my Friend!! A lovely tribute to your mother...
As for your sonnet...wonderfully done...I have attempted sonnets; they are never easy...my problem comes in with the iambic pentameter...I seem to move with my own rhythms, instead...yet, even though I write mostly free verse...never saw my own rhythm explained...until a Friend in college put two of them to music (acoustic guitar)...I was astounded & amazed...never even saw it coming...Very impressed I am with you, Sir...your words... your works... ...Wanda...Night Hope...Day Dreaming...former swan...permanent fellow devotee of Fogelberg, Simon & Diamond...among so very many others!!! hehehe 
see ya, sweetie!!!
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A wonderful Shakesperean sonnet you have here, it is wonderfully written- especially the part about the blood, I found that beautiful and breathtaking A lovely poem of familial love, keep up the good work
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this is very deep and it made me feel what u feel towards ure mother. the poem flowed very nicely and kept me drawn in, of course u did well, good luck too.keep it up with the good stuff.....b3l
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XLNT
Dear Melphleg,
Very endearing!
I don't know how to make a Sonnet yet, but I do know that you've all the ingredients of a really good poem.
Well done, and good luck in your contest!!
Regards,
John-Las Vegas -
Thank you mate. I've never written an English Sonnet before this, so appreciate the encouragement. I hope you're right.
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Thank you. And I am honored by your critique.
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Vivid portrayal.
well-etched poem.
I liked it.
Gopal -
Amazing work
Sacrificial blood is warm and tender.
Love requires sacrifices to be made,
Yet asks nothing in return to render
Even when the wound was by my own blade.
............
Ah , you're gonna win. Bloody Well done , mate ! -
Your poem is very toching it is well verse.d out a0nd it has strtonge words and stronge emotion i am most honered for you to have written a poem in english yet a.gain it us very beautifully written. well done. there is nothing oyu would need to .change senc.e .it. .came from deep inside your heart.good luck in the contest!
DimishedFAith
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