FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SIT ON A BED PAN LMAO....... < NURSE, NURSE...SHE CRIED
I NEED TO PEE PLEASE
I,M COMING.....I LIED
NURSE, NURSE...SHE YELLED
IT,S COMING NOW
WONT BE LONG....I TRIED
OH NURSE PLEASE HURRY
IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE LUNCH
I HAD THE CURRY
I RAN TO THE SLUICE ROOM
AS FAST AS I COULD
GOD IF SHE DOES IT IN THE BED
SISTER WILL HAVE MY BLOOD
WELL I SAID LIFT UP YOUR BUM
SHE STRUGGLED WITH ALL OF HER MIGHT
SHE SAID WITH PAIN IN HER EYES..
I THOUGHT YOU WAS NEVER GOING TO COME..
TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT
LIKE US NURSES DO..
I SAID IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY
ARE YOU HAVING VISITORS?
NO!!! SHE SAID I,M HAVING A BLOODY POOH......
WELL WE ALL KNOW THAT SOUND
WITH A TRICKLE AND A PLOP
I THOUGHT TO MYSELF
IS SHE EVER GOING TO STOP!!
HER FACE NOW AN EXPRESSION OF PLEASURE AND PAIN
BLUSHING SHE SAID" WELL I HOPE I NEVER EVER HAVE TO DO THAT AGAIN" !!!!
Author notes
Written July 5th, 2002
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LMAO. OMG Gilly, just thought I'd come a visit one of the first. Well, I can still see 'you' in this.
It's hilarious. And hey, I see some lovely rhyming here too! 
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god bless them
they the parents of yesterday
sure deserve to be wiped cleaned and everything else they sure did that for their children when they were growing up so what goes around comes around
and bless our nurses too
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very funny and probably very true
Now I know why I never went into nursing, childcare or anything that may need to be cleaned, fed or wiped
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LOLOLOL
oh lord yes.. in either situation, methinks it's one of those things we tuck into our memory and hope we don't have to repeat..
however you get to do it ..repeatedly and for that I have great compassion..
I thought I'd come wandering through your closet
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when i visited my mum in hospital, an old lady did a shit in her pants and then they had to give her a shower, this reminds me of it. hahaha
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He he.. funny
This is sooo different from your masterpieces you write now..
It's better than a lo of peoples first poets though lol.
(sorry for looking at it Meli nearly died when I read her first ones )
jess x
(p.s, I don't know if you read my entry to your contest - if you did, then it is a diffferent second half now - ie it has the same first two stanza's, but the rest are new )
x-x-x -
unsettled visions 4now
excellent source of empathetic placement. I hope I never have to do it! -
hahahhahahahahhah
really now.. I wish I wasn't so tired.. i'd think of a witty reply -
Poop indeed!
How do I get to the stuff that's not poop?
First naked girl sitting in a stoop.
Now this poem about someone's poop!
I think I'll step out of this loop! -
hahhahah
well this is a very old one indeed..
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its funny but kinda gross.
makes you laugh and grimance at the same time. -
hahhahah
well this is an oldie.. heheehhe
glad you enjoyed it too
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hahaha that was awfully funny! haha wow my mom is a nurse and i admire her for taking care of people like that so i adrmie you too! haha
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Haha!! Well, seeing as how I've been on a bedpan once or twice I can appreciate this poem. Very cute.
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LOL! This is so realistic! I saw this the other day and its not a very pleasant situation to be in when you got to do potty on the bed of a hospital in a pan!
Charishma -
LOL that was so cute
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great!
I can relate to this poem very well..I was hospitalized last year with a blockage up high in my colon. It took seven milk and molasses enemas to start the removal..I had a bedside commode and after three days it hadn't been cleaned..I called the nurse, and to me she did demean, she shaid she was busy and I had to wait a bit longer,so It over flowed onto the floor and they finally changed my room!!!!Loved this -
hehehheheheh.. glad you liked it
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Ahahaha....touche, my dear, touche. This is hilarious.
~Smidge~
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People like you make the world go round!This was funny and at the same time a bit sad.Curry what was she thinking?I hope you dropped the pan of in dietary for revenge!This made my 10 ear old laugh too!I did notice that the word I'm when you used it had a comma and not an apostrophy is that correct? just wondering
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its funny! i could not be a nurse and go through that and writeing about it would be just as hard. i needed a laugh!
~Ash~ -
omfg
Im dying, so is Ashlei -
good
The price of fame being a nurse .I admire you . Your poem was fun -
hehhehehheheh.. omg.. do I remember polishing those bloody bed pans on a weekend on cleaning duty.. putting soap crystals in the washer.. hahahahah omg.. hehehe
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haha...i loved this, when i first graduated the bedpans were still METAL! we would run warm water on them to keep from getting cussed out by the men, women were always much better patients ...oh this poem brought back so many memories...i rofl when i read the line with the "plop" in it...and the one that said you were coming, i lied....too funny!
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Ewwwww....this brought me back to a very beautiful and mortifying day - the day my son was born! Having had an epidural - they did not give me a catheter...so needless to say, I had to go right there (I didn't get a bed pan...blah)...and of course, during the pushing...something else pushed out! I was soooo embarrassed! But all the embarrassment in the world couldn't take away the wonderful moments after when I held my son for the first time. Great write, Gill!
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lmao hahahahah that's sooo nasty and funny all at once... did you put that on your resume?? can change bedpans even after curry... ewwww my dad would love it!!! hahaha ewwwwwwwww curry i'm still giggling as i write sister will have my head, her look of pain turned to pleasure hahahaha sooo wrong... but bravo for finding the humour in the mundane...
goodnight
phil -
yummy
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bloody bedpans. the other week i was reading through some of the poems i have here on paper and came across one i did about that woman you mentioned who offered you the nuts, she'd sucked the chocolate off them i don't know what it's called offhand but it brought a smile to my face at the time.
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I dont think I could ever do what you do for a living and write about it so pleasently. Wonderful I could'nt stop laughing
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lol Crazy arse old nurse cool write
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hilarious
i see that humor is also part of your resume.now you must be a dream come true because laughter is still the best medicine and that piece given to someone in the hospital would definitely be on the road to recovery reading this.keep them laughing -
Lol... a delightful poem, Gill. And I know the feeling SHE went through... and what it must have been for you.
I really like the lightheartedness of this, even in the plight you both found yourselves in.
Dee -
Too Funny!
Hahahahahahahahahahaha! That was too funny! What a job you have, I am sure. My cousin is a nurse, and my grandmother was one for 59 years. You are gentle souls to tolerate the sickness of others.
ROMFLMAO.....The visuals are great! Okay, now I've got to go cook! Thanks! Hahahahahaha ahhhh!
Peace
~poetryality~
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Oh my ::shakes head:: What have I gotten myself into!? I am currently in nursing school lol...yup yup.
this is really funny. Never have changed a bed pan or peed in one (THANK GOD) but....soon will!
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great write and has LOL or at least smiles
You make this typical scenrio in a nurses or caregiver life a real reality. Been there, done that! Takes a strong constitution and stomach! Especially the bed pans, scrubbing anothers dentures, changing 1's diaper. Brought back all to many memories 4 me. Care giving to family now gone on be-4 me. Great pc., and entertaining, to know 100's of 1,000's have been there and done that. -
I seen somebody reading...so I thought I too would come check it out...lmao...to funny...this is just what I needed to pick me up and make me laugh....thank goodness I have never had to use a bedpan...lol...to cold...lmao...loved it (not litterally)~~Jenn
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R O F L M A O ! ! ! ! ! !
OMG.....how did I ever miss seeing this one before........
Oh Gill...this is sooooo funny..
ooh the mental visions which flashed before my eyes as I read it...
EEeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk!!!
Very funnny write.
Ann -
hahahaha just had to come and see,hahahaha I hope I never need a bad pen again in my life hahahaha oh Gill you are so funny..
love and hugs
~Acantha~
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ROFLMAO
Now I would say that they look like the most uncomfortable thing ever!!!! And still all of em want it don't they??? First time I had tried to use one, when I went to take it off the resident I ended up having to change the whole damn bed....lol... Can use em now but back then sheeeeesh LOL Good write -
don't touch it!
LOL!!!hahahaha, That was hilarious. I've been in that position before! Not the nurses, but the patients!! I was in the hospital last year (we won't say why) and they'd given me charcoal and the effects didn't 'hit' me until about 6.5 hours later. I was in my bed with IVs strapped to me and didn't know how to get out of bed, and I REALLY had to go. That nurse took for ever!! Had she taken much more time I would pooed right there. Wouldn't that have been a pretty sight?!
LoL, I definately needed a laugh like this!!
Thanks.
-Cassie
Edited by onlyme on Jan 17 because 'of a typo'. -
don't touch it!
hahahaha next time I see someone asking for a bed pan I will tell thenm it's quicker to go to the loo....I love this Gill..hahaha trust you to make something out of ***well done Janxx -
neutral
When they want you to sit on a cold bed pan, lol there is a trick to sit on one, lol. -
don't touch it!
oh my this was quite a laugh!! thanks for sharing!! -
don't touch it!
ummm.....I can relate to this, but not from the side you see...I am a 'patient' more than a caregiver...I give with my heart...to those in need...... :o) -
excellent
ROFLMFAO!!!!!! hahahahahah OMG, I know that story TOO well...how 'bout this?...having a male nurse wipe you, and being afraid of a lawsuit for touching me, so he barely wiped at all, and left me laying in wet pee all night...'til the lady nurse came next morning and yelled about it...
Another one, worse case scenario...was having my period at the same time as surgery...and using a darn bed pan didn't help, I feel sorry for the nurses who had to change THAT BLOODY and POOPY mess!! lol
Well, most of the nurses were total bitches anyway, no compassion or bedside manner...I've only had a few who were like angels and went above and beyond the call of duty...most are too busy with their own lives and being understaffed to care about the patient...no offense to you, I'm sure you are a GREAT nurse! :) Just by the way you talk on here...but from my experience, big city hospitals are the worst, espec. the well-known ones (where I live) and teaching hospitals, the doctors are twice as bad...ego maniacs.
Funny poem...and SO true! :) Sheryl
Edited by Lone Poet on right now because 'forgot... :)'. -
don't touch it!
oh jeez, it's been years since i brandished a bedpan, back in the day...i did a stint as a nurse's aide when i was a teen...it was, in fact, my first job...lord have mercy on the nurses AND the patients....this poem is the kind of funny that hurts a little, don't it?;)
now if ya want a good chuckle, lemme tellya the story of taking the rectal temp of a 300-lb. pervert....nah, forget it. some things are just better off left unsaid...lolololol....;)
great write, chilly:)
hugs
bb:} -
excellent
Lmao!!! -
don't touch it!
Been there done that - Great write. -
thanks Tilly again lol..~~GILL~~
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excellent
whatever you're paid... It isn't enough.
Clever write, and way to bring a bit of humour to a sometimes thankless job. Nurses are a Godsend and should be praised accordingly. Goodonya! xx -
thanks for all the comments guys..yepp it is sad mysty the health service here is a shambles..but humour is a nurses best therapy at times..~GILL~
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don't touch it!
hehehe eeeeeeeeek! damn i need a wee now :O) -
neutral
Funny in a way, yes..but in a way sad.
Good write. -
excellent
LMAO I guess there isn't anything you nurses haven't seen.. you deserve more pay...maybe then you'd rush in faster with the bed pans... j/k LOL ...thanx for the laugh!! :) -
don't touch it!
loved it, It brought a time that I had use one. I swore to myself that I didn't care how long it took me to go the restroom, I was going.
NO more bed pans (LOL LOL)
Yvonne -
excellent
I still laugh everytime I read this...not funny being the patient though and having to wait for you dang nurses! lol ~Gayla~ -
excellent
lol being in Nursing 15 yrs before breast cancer i dentify i needed this laugh this am wait til u get a bedpan full of pee trown at you not that will make you grit teeth
Come Vist me i wrot e one simailar
Nursing Home Bound
Susan -
Lost Soul thankyou again..lmao too..this has raised a few laughs along the way.~GILL~
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don't touch it!
lmao omg this is so so true...lol....working in a nursing home we use quiet a few of them
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