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Hologram

 

I think I'll drag
myself to the back-door
slammed shut,face forwards
& cry
afraid the tears being dragged
will form only a puddle
by the architrave
So to sleep
I search for you now
Now, you're inside my head

I will try to dream in sequence
fuss and fondle
the consequence
I can be that holographic whore
with hips to die
for, or that angel with wisdom
seen, but never heard before
For in sleep
I can be unseen, unclean, utterly obscene
devil-come-angel-whore

Locked out, inside her only back-
door, to open to my soul
Should sleep take control
slammed shut, face forwards
If I cry out in my dreams
Please don't think I'm obscene
I may just be at my door
wiping up puddles

Maybe I'll dream in thunder
storms of splendour
Downpour to my back door
Let me sit there
on the stoop
& cry

Author notes


Written September 30th, 2004

In a list

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Sailorswench
    May 20, 2006
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    I loved this write. Very deep had me thinking. Keep it up.

  • HeLLaKeWL silver member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    AWWWW GILL! This is so so so so sad! I don't know what to say, I wish I could give y a ahug and make ya feel better I love yuo Gill and

  • fantastix
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hug-huggy-hug This unfolded like a dream and its elloquence was humbling. The pain echoes my own tummy-twisting knot! Lovely write!

  • poetriae furor
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    well done

    me like! that was very powerful. dreams can be very powerful (and interesting) i really like this poem. great job!

  • Pierre Richards
    September 30, 2004
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    excellent

    What a severely sad write.
    This poem speaks of a deep longing for a person that has taken hold of your dreams.
    This has a beauty and a saddness that is combined into this with every word.
    Well spoken!

  • cutiepie gold member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    I always find it strange how people have so many preconceived ideas of " how we should behave or how we should be". I read this poem and thought of how sad that we have to resort to dreams to be our real selfs. I am in no way saying this poem reflects what the words are saying,"I can be unseen, unclean, utterly obscene
    devil-come-angel-whore"
    just that even if we wanted to be any of these things, it has to be done in dreams ... This I find sad. It was a magnificent poem with emotion flooding the mind with tears, I hope you are not offended with what I have written and I mean no distrespect as I find this poem very moving

  • Cvillelisa
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    wow. awesome turn of words .. just really great stuff .. i particularly liked the fuss and fondle stanza ..

    hope you are well.

    love,
    lisa


  • Airborne Ed silver member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    you did an amazing job with this poem... its very beautiful...

  • Joseph Montelongo
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Ill be honest for me this poem was a little hard to follow at first but the second or third time around I understood it... it really is beautiful, the way the words just sort of flow and work together just blew me away... I write, I write alot and to be honest most of them are like self therapy and I think as far as poetry goes-- they suck... I hate the way I write.. most of the time I read them and they seem like rants and crying... complaining... meandering... whatever you want to call it but i hate the way I write... I wish my style, if you can call it that, was anything near yours... your level of talent is just amazing.. great write

    -Joseph
  • Nicole Hanna
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I think Ashley about nailed it with her comment. I really loved the verse about being things in dreams that are particularly shunned in the "real" world, but for a while at least, it's okay... until you wake up and feel empty.

  • Redstormy gold member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    OMG this is absolutely stunning, haunting write beautifully written Gill! Glad you featured it my friend, its one of your best.

    Red

  • Night Hope gold member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Brava!!! STANDING OVATION...

    '...I will try to dream in sequence/fuss & fondle/the consequence...'... OH, GILL!!! This is a very intense, enjoyable write you've done...such vivid, visual imagery...impeccable word choice, the flow of an overflowing, rapid~filled River under siege...wow, my Friend...a beautiful penning from a lovely, wise Poet...Good to read you, my Friend...will be back ASAP...Take care of you...missin' our R&B dissertation!!! hehehe Wanda
    Edited on Sep 30, 4:07 p.m. because ''.

  • Trilliana
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    beautifully sad and it represents you and many other distraught women in the world and that's what makes your writing so beautiful, everyone can relate. I know I can right now with something I went through last night. (which I'll be writing about shortly) Absolutely beautifully written Gills... smiles soon *hugs*
  • IceNinechick
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Gorgeous poem, full of brilliant language and piercing metaphors. I really love how you present your ideas and emotions through your words. Wonderful poem!
    Becky

  • NurseChilly gold member
    September 30, 2004
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    thankyou girlie..

  • Ashley Bright silver member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Awww...
    (((Hug)))
    love ya darlin chilly!

  • jenneddin silver member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    oh dear.. I'm speechless right now Gill. I'll have to come back

    I can say that this is my fav of yours... love ya.

  • NurseChilly gold member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    thankyou my darlin' girl.. yeah.. sometimes, it's a puddle, sometimes a torrent.. and sometimes it's the Manchester ship canal..!! but yeah.. sometimes.. sometimes..
    You my friend.. are a utter dream to be around in times like this

  • Ashley Bright silver member
    September 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hey Gill... my lovely poetess...
    please don't trash this,
    if anything, i have to tell you this is my favorite
    from you so far, and i know that might seem "oh she's just saying that" but i'm not, and i tell you why
    because this poem is me... i mean its you, but its me as well
    does that make sense? with your words, i feel like you
    opened my heart, and just pulled out the disease
    like some kind of odd therapy, i dont know
    drag yourself to your back door..slammed shut
    that right there... the door that you've closed
    perhaps even locked, to not let yourself out your feelings
    out or another in, which is what i do (most of the time unless i explode ripping the door off its hinges) anyway
    and only forming a puddle, when you need a friggen pool
    you feel a fucking ocean needs to escape,
    but only a puddle... i know that, i can hardly even cry these days, and sometimes it pisses me off, can someone really be as hard as a stone forever? ... (i hope not)
    i am so touched by this, and i know i'm not making much sense
    perhaps i'm too overwhelmed, who knows, but we all know i'm a poetic idiot who cant critque worth shit lol, (its true though)
    but i love the rhyme, and i know when reading it, it sounds intentional... but i don't think alot of it was,
    i think it just flowed out, there was no thinking here
    just pure emotion, i find myself doing that, i never put too much thought in my work anyway (which is why its never really that good) but when i really go off writing, and pouring myself out...(more of a rant is what i call it (with my writing))
    i sometimes just rhyme without thinking, it just bursts out, and i'm not a great fan of rhyming lol
    but this was beautiful! this just touched me i only wish you knew how much! and i'm sorry i filled a whole page with this nonsense comment, but please leave this posted,
    and no ack! either... i'm bookmarking this so if you delete it i'm going to throw one of my dads stuffed deer heads at you


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