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Song of So. Vegas Blvd

SONG OF SO. VEGAS BLVD



she ambles down the sidewalk
   scattering bits of trash in her wake
                 but don't worry
  she'll come back again later to collect it
     
              a girl's got to eat

rattle rattle goes the metal cans
  keeping in rhythm of the creaking cart
lovingly it blends in with the high hiss of Bus 201
               before fading back into
 sharp percussions of afternoon hornblasts


                  she cocks her head


in her left ear she tunes
   to the roll of dice against hushed velvet
           while wafting into the right
                  staccato static of neon lights
              blink
  like the red light at the corner

                 unheeded

dirt smudges the tip of her nose
       and the tattered orange shirt is louder
  than the man next to her
          who hates this princess of pee-stained blue jersey
      mumbling like unstretched vocal cords


               she nods regally


for under the sodium streetlights
         her hair is sulfur curls entwining
  and with that lone katydid on Freemont
                experience
the flinging of arms frail
          she shouts


                         O
               what a beautiful Day


    and through the medley of Strip melodies
each jagged note of corrupt arias already sold
                no loss of breath
    no will of heaven
                  can ever mask
 

  the
           song
                    she


                            sings .
                                    .
                                     .
                                  .





Author notes

This is a small tribute to the city I have grown to love dearly in my many years as its residence, lol. And actually, this is based on a true story...where I decided that no matter how oblivious or in oblivion you are, you can still hear music playing...

(NOTE: I know that most of this refers to NORTH Vegas Blvd, but I witnessed this on the Southside...lol)


Silver
Gold
Written October 18th, 2004

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • Highwaytraveller
    November 16
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Finally! someone who like Las VEgas! I was beginning to think that nobody did!!
    I actually read this a long time ago, and i thought I had commented...oh well,
    i love the imagery here, and i also like the line spacing..they add to the effect of this piece...I absolutely love the last few lines!

    Thank you for sharing!

  • lindaburns
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    If you’re satisfied doing what you’re doing, you might as well sing. Someone told me once that singing is the language of Heaven. Good luck in this contest.


  • thepoetsings
    June 29

    Edit | Reply
    Really great write....I've only visited Las Vegas, so I really enjoyed this portrayal of the city. Good luck in the contest!


  • onerios13
    March 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Brought your spoon?

  • March 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    buttery.

  • onerios13
    March 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    And thank you for such an eloquent comment...lol.
  • Ms. Trick
    March 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Like lying on warm asphalt in the rain and knowing that right on the edge around your eyes there are lights. Like feeling rainwater warmed from your scalp trickle down your forehead and neck.

    Thanks for entering!

    trick

  • onerios13
    November 3, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LMAO! Dude, Kent...that was just halarious...and yeah, I think the same thing of Charleston once you pass the SAV-ON store! Thanks for that chuckle and the nice comment.

  • onerios13
    November 3, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you, John...such wonderful praise coming from a fellow Las Vegan just makes my heart float to the ceiling with glee! lol And yeah, there's just something about marvelous about seeing someone who should be so down but won't go down...at least not while the sun is shining. Again, thank you.
  • rowbyrow
    November 3, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    and if you go a little more northeast,
    past Pecos where the Safeway used to be
    not only can you here "music" but you can
    smell the stale aroma of vomit in the air...
    very nice write

    kent

  • Adios Muchachos gold member
    November 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Against all odds!

    Dear O,
    Great narrative and poem! I see people everyday like this girl. Some know me by my first name. I try to help when I can,
    knowing full well that it is just a temporary reprieve from the poorest of existences.
    Good job with this snapshot in text, of the lady in song.

    Best Regards,
    John-Las Vegas

  • November 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This one was pretty distracting, with the words all over the place, but you ovbiously have a style so Im not really in the place to say anything about that. Good job all the same.

  • ziniicecream
    October 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Fabulous

    I LOVED the lines:
    And the tattered orange shirt is louder
    Than the man next to her
    Who hates this Princess of Pee-stained blue jersey

    Great imagery; will last with me for a while. I also liked the rhythm of this poem. Also, you included lots of sounds, like the rattling of the cans. The persona you describe here reminds me of this elderly woman that used to walk through my neighborhood, collecting recyclable materials as she went. She wasn't very rich monetarily speaking, but she was always happy and that's what counted to me.

    You make me sing my own arias.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Zini
  • shefalls
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    AWESOME.

    I love the Vegas. Tis a very well done poem.

  • ColinSJones
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    loved this it read like a short stort great how the single lines set the scene before each stanza..like the way you structured this too..
  • verdorbenheit
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love the imagery in this poem. I can imagine it being read, almost in a spoken word song kind of way. Excellent poem, I love it.

  • artis gold member
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    even the poorest street person can still see the silver glinting off of his/her shopping cart in the morning desert sun, and they scan the cracked and littered streets of vegas for a chance to come , a round two faced shot at a pull that might bring them glory and riches, or might get them another dumpster dive in the early eve, for a dinner of one in a cardboard box.....air conditioned with flaps and nothing to cover up with but the loss sheets from the races....great peom...Artis

  • Dropp Deadd
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    And through the medley of Strip melodies
    Each jagged notes of corrupt arias ready sold
    No loss of breath

    i love this part.it's a beautiful piece.i think i'll read more of your work tomorrow morning keep it up!

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Aww...thank you, sweetie! As always, you got the essense of this piece, and made me grin from ear to ear!

  • Touchof1der Moderators member
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Music can be heard by everyone, regardless of where they are or what's going around them or what's going on within. Music has such an amazing effect on people. You can brighten a mood, incite anger, create a soft sensual moment, or lift the heart to soar above the clouds and when that happens, at that moment at least, life's surroundings just don't seem so tantamount. I like this. You have done a wonderful job here. Good luck in the contest!

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Lol...thanks for that glowing comment, hon. I'm so glad you liked it...wrote it JUST for you!

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LOL...yeah, Abby, I hear ya, gurlfriend, lol. But I guess that I didn't want to get into the OBVIOUS aspects of the homeless here...because I think it's kinda self-explanatory, ya know? lol But when I saw this woman that day, she looked absolutely DELIGHTED to be alive and in the streets and I wanted to show THAT side of the picture...the inner landscape...for I could almost hear her singing, lol. But again, thank you for checking this out!

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Kestryl...and yeah, I admit it WAS rather abstract-ish, lol, but that's the feeling I was kinda going for...because I feel the subject matter is so open to interpretation and this was my version of it. Again, thank you.

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Lol...well, I think that Mail Order Bride is me at THIS point in time, but this poem is the FUTURE me! LMAO But hey, glad you thought it was damn good...because otherwise I would've cried and cried and cried...lol.

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    LOL...wow...talk about flattering me much? Thank you for that killer comment and I'm delighted that you thought it was a relief from the usual, lol. Much obliged!

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you sooo much soul...I'm delighted that you enjoyed this just as I am delighted that you took the time to read it, lol. Again, thank you.

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you fire...that was such a wonderful comment you left and I really appreciate it.

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, James...that was just one of the most awesome comments I've received in a very loooong time! lol Thank you so much, I'm so happy to hear that this touched you and that you enjoyed it. I feel like singing now!

  • onerios13
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you, Diamond! Glad you liked it!

  • anyonita jenea
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    woooow...another poem that has taken my breath away...i love the style you bring with this piece...fantasmal choice of words...i was singing right along with ya! i really enjoyed this...uhhh the finals are going to be hard to judge!!!! -whimpers- but anywho...best of luck and thank you much for entering this....
    anyonita

  • Abby Eyeball
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I have often wondered what it would be like to live homeless. To just wander from street to place to building, always having to fend for yourself and find food to eat and shelter to sleep in. I honestly don't see what's so bad about it, besides the obvious. I mean yeah you look like trash, you smell, you fit into the category that most people don't ever want to cross paths with, but I mean it sounds like it would be an experience. You know, to actually feel like you're truly living. I'm sure it would leave some sort of inpression on you for years to come. Whether good or bad, it would leave you with some new-found wisdom of what it's like to be one of the home-less... Great piece. I only think it would be greater to have you really delve into the inner workings of homeless people. Get really graphic and detailed of what it's like

    Abby Eyeball

    P.S.

    I'm not sure if it's close to what a homeless person has to go through, but it's quite similar. Read my piece "The Garbage on 5th and Gap".

  • Kestryl
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I like this... tho I think, and it could be just me, that without your elequant comment at the end, explaining what it's a tribute to and all, it would have gone a LITTLE over my head. could be my own stupidity, which is highly likely, but thats the way I see it.
    Awesome write all the same.
  • Nicole Hanna
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    What music? I don't hear any friggin music? Why am I always the one who gets left out?

    Okay, seriously, I could truly see the sights and hear the sounds of Vegas in this poem. I don't think it's as strong as Mail Order Bride, which just seemed to have more emotional impace for obvious reasons, but this one is damn good. The whole "lone katydid" thing is really nasty though. lol.
  • apathtcsympthy
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this poem is totaly unique and awesome. very different than alot of poems on here, and that comes as quite a relief as an outstanding poem. good job! please keep it up!
  • unrepentantsoul
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i loved this, it really pulled me in. i think the last bit was my favorite, but the whole poem was amazing, great work :-)

  • October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    it's ok she doesn't have to go back to sort the trash out, i will do that while i am looking for my own meals and drops of drink.
  • fire and rain
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I like this, it has a different touch to it. Takes the reader right into it, almost as if they can hear the music. The pictures that were in my head were put there by your pen, and I thank you for that. And yes, the music is always there. well done, like the feel of it.

  • jaunty pill gold member
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    " And the tattered orange shirt is louder
    Than the man next to her
    Who hates this Princess of Pee-stained blue jersey
    Mumbling like unstretched vocal cords "

    These lines stood out to me the most, but the poem itself, overall, is stunning. You gloriously discuss and talk out these beautiful images that just pounce on you while reading it. You give us this entire world of this woman going through her life and how she is experiencing things.

    A very deep write with a whole story to back up its qualities of interest. I am so glad I got to stop by and say a little something.

    much love,
    James


  • angelica silver member
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry I accidently clicked on your feature, but as someone who has lost points on some people not commenting I will do so now.This is a wonderful piece you have written, the lady sounds like she has had a hard life and now wanders the street. I really loved the way you portrayed your city. I am glad I accidently clicked onto it. Thank you for sharing this with us~angelica

  • Zapphire
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    that'svery different- i like it! well dun.
    sparkly diamond
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