'Beautiful' world
Broken machines
'Beautiful' world
Shatter my dreams
'Beautiful' world
Fucking me clean
Yet a beautiful world
remains unseen
Author notes
meh..not totally sure I like this...yeah...please give your view, good or bad...
Written December 23rd, 2004
A contest entry
- by .
300 points, ended February 4, 2005, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Thanks a lot!!
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I like this poem. It seems quite simple, but the repetition of 'Beautiful' makes it very powerful. I like the way the lines seem to contradict each other and the rhyming pattern.
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Bravo!
Short and oh, so sweet! Fine poem. -
i thought this world just be a innocent poem until i read "Fucking me clean" and was taking away, i loved it great write
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hey this was awesome, i love your poems, short n sweet. n awesome ending.
well keep it up!
xXx Sian xXx -
this wa awesome, perfect in every way. keep up the great work. never stop writting ull go far one day
Blessed Be -
No pink rocks!!!
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Hi , thanks for visiting my site. Yes and no , I am myself and religion has nothing to do with my poetry.I only write what I feel so you must read some more of my poems. The one you read is Gods Creation which is a collaboration with my friend, Jan. But thanks for your visit and please come again, Love Ramona/happyme
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Yey, Thanks
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This is awesome...
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wow
Wow zoe.. this is sooo good. I really love this, im in your media lesson at the moment so i will tell you how good this poem is. The rhymes are good and i like the bit where you said: "Beautiful" world, fucking me clean. I think that bit was really really good, kinda twisted because it would be the other way round but i hav the feeling thats what you were going for. Good write, Beki x -
awww....thanx
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=)
simple yet very true, you are an amzing writer yourself. The less words you use to sum up the meaning, the more talent it shows. beautiful.
Edited on Jan 21, 4:43 p.m. because ''. -
this is really good, short and sweet, well not really sweet but you know what i'm getting at. i like how you use the quotation thing too its a small detailbut very smart.
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Thanx, am glad you liked it.
Zoe -
ooooOOOOOOOOOooooo this was awesome. It was short yet said everything! i especially like then ending. This was awesome and keep it up!!!!
xx.Victoria.xx -
great
Another great piece! Keep up the great work!
~~Kayla -
Very nice!
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anyone else think that this page is slightly too pink??
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thanks
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I can totally relate to this attitude: blunt and real. That's pretty much me! I totally got it and i'm happy to see that someone still cares about meaning in their poetry. I saw each line as another way in which our 'beautiful' world "works"
Great write!
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elvolving?? what the hell is elvolving??
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woo, thanx...well, i either had fucking, or licking.....and i thought that the fucking would be slightly more effective...spose i could've had washing...but that wouldnt have put anything across...maybe the idea of soap, but thats it...and i didnt really want people to think of soap when they read this....so, yar.....fucking it was....oooOOOooo...im elvolving.......
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I really like this...particularly the repition of beautiful and the line 'fucking me clean'....a great write....i think your writing is really evolving!
Happy christmas,
loads of love....jessica
xxx -
awww...yey, thanx!!!
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Great
It's very realistic with this world, some people see it beautiful while others get the full impact good job! -
I love it !!! It spoke to me...through a cold bluntness it makes its point so clear and so...well...beautiful!!! So true, so honest...You have a very amazing gift...you should never doubt that !! Write on !
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